xp_cyclops: (I just need a moment)
[personal profile] xp_cyclops
I'm going to be back in the office tomorrow - finally. Start of term paperwork is piling up and various headperson-ly decisions need to be made; I can't dump it all on my co-headperson, or at least I'd feel like a really bad person if I did.

But I'm just there to do the administrative work. If you want to blow up your room or your roommate, or do any of the other thousand things that can require disciplinary action, I'm afraid you're stuck with Ms Munroe or the Professor. My door is not open.

And as for the team - don't ask when, because I don't know.

Date: 2006-08-14 07:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-forge.livejournal.com
Wow. I wish I had the option to only do the parts of my job that I like.

Date: 2006-08-14 08:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-cyclops.livejournal.com
Well, I'll tell you what, Forge. You go and have yourself a(nother) Unfortunate Experience (we ought to have that trademarked to Xavier's) and I'm sure you'll get cut a little slack your first real week back to work, too.

Date: 2006-08-14 08:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-forge.livejournal.com
And see, if you were a little more forthcoming about what this Unfortunate Experience was, I might feel a little more sympathetic. Until then, don't you even presume to begin to compare whatever you went through to my experience. You haven't got the right.

Date: 2006-08-14 08:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-sanfuaiyaa.livejournal.com
Speaking of presumptuous.

Date: 2006-08-14 08:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-forge.livejournal.com
You know what, Shiro? I'd tell you to shut the hell up, sit the hell down, and speak when you're spoken to, but it'd be like talking to one of those big stone Buddhas, only without the enlightenment part. So just sayonara your judgement-passing wannabe-samurai ass out of this one, okay? Arigatou.

Date: 2006-08-14 08:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-sanfuaiyaa.livejournal.com
I'm sorry, am I supposed to be offended and recognize my place now? Please. I'm being no more judgmental than you are, boy, so all those letters up there don't really mean anything.

Date: 2006-08-14 08:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-cyclops.livejournal.com
You know what? Okay.

I was tortured for five days.

Everyone see that? No one confused now as to exactly what's going on with me? Hell, anyone have any questions?

Date: 2006-08-14 08:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-sanfuaiyaa.livejournal.com
Yeah. Why did you announce that when you sure as hell don't owe him - or anyone for that matter - anything?

Date: 2006-08-14 08:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-cyclops.livejournal.com
It's not got anything to do with owing him anything. I'm tired of wondering just what people would think if they knew, I suppose. Or of feeling like I have to put a good face on it because of who I am - especially given who I'm not, right now. I'm not an X-Man, and I'm only half-assedly being the headmaster at this point.

So putting up the Cyclops or Headmaster Summers mask is pretty damned near pointless.

Date: 2006-08-14 08:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-forge.livejournal.com
And you thought keeping everyone in the dark on why you've been shut-in and absent for weeks was... what, for our own protection?

For Christ's sake, Scott. Some of us have seen you guys come off that jet bleeding, busted up, on stretchers, in hospital beds - you think that makes us think any less of you? Yeah, I'm a little bit offended that when it was me in that situation, it was "Make sure everyone knows what we're going to go do" - but when the tables are turned, we're kept in the dark about what's happened to you.

No, it might not be our business to know what's happened to you. But a little bit of trust would be nice.

Date: 2006-08-14 08:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-cyclops.livejournal.com
Keeping everyone in the dark?

Because I got myself into the situation, through some resoundingly poor decision-making. When I was in the situation, I did not comport myself in a way that would make you or anyone else around here proud, to the point where I very nearly outright falsified a team report after the fact.

I haven't talked, because I'm ashamed of myself, and licking my wounds in private has been just about the only thing I could think of in terms of an appropriate coping strategy.

Date: 2006-08-14 08:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-forge.livejournal.com
Didn't comport yourself in a way that would make us proud...

You came home alive. Other than that, I don't think anyone's keeping score. And if you want to talk about doing stupid things under stress... some of us actually can understand.

Date: 2006-08-14 08:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-cyclops.livejournal.com
Do I need to be more specific? I think I do.

You know all those movies where the hero doesn't break under torture? I was not that hero.

Date: 2006-08-14 08:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-forge.livejournal.com
Do I need to be more specific?

So what?

The people who think withstanding something like that is easy, or heroic, or that you've got to be this action-movie stoic invulnerable tough guy obviously haven't been there. Haven't been helpless, haven't had every little freedom of choice taken away until you don't even think you can think on your own anymore.

Anyone who would look down on you for being human doesn't even deserve to stand in the same room.

I can't believe you thought any of us would.

Date: 2006-08-14 09:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-cyclops.livejournal.com
Maybe I just expect people to judge me in the same way I judge myself.

Date: 2006-08-14 09:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-forge.livejournal.com
That's because you are occasionally an idiot.

Date: 2006-08-14 09:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-cyclops.livejournal.com
I'm a tired idiot at the moment. And I really didn't intend to have this conversation, let alone on the journals.

But it's said, and at least it should answer any questions people might have had.

Date: 2006-08-14 09:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-polarisstar.livejournal.com
I think that's enough goading and being goaded for today, boys. Back to your corners.

Date: 2006-08-14 10:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-wildchild.livejournal.com
You know what .. you know, maybe it was Nate, maybe it was Doc Samson, I dunno, one of them, said when I was all freaked out over the Mistra stuff working was?

They said that people who torture people have way more resources at hand than regular good folks, because they can be evil. So most of the time, they're gonna win, because they can do stuff we can't.

And it's no sense in beating yourself up for it, because, dude, they didn't win, they CHEATED.

You can't beat yourself up for losing when the other side cheats. That's the rules.

Date: 2006-08-15 02:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-gambit.livejournal.com
That's why they call movies 'fictional entertainment'.

A little tip. No one is able to avoid breaking under torture. That clear? No one. It is absolutely impossible to not give up whatever information you might have to a person with enough time and skill to put you to torture. Top level agents of every covert agency in the world are taught this fact. They're either given conditions in which to suicide, or a time frame which to hold out before giving up the information, normally within 48 hours of capture.

The only way to avoid giving up the information you have is death. I've been on both sides of the knife, and even Gambit gave up information after a while, and that's with a hell of a lot more training and psychotic madness than you've got. Unless you would have rather died at the hands of the people that took you, you're attacking yourself for doing something absolutely everyone on this planet would do under the same circumstances.

Date: 2006-08-15 11:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-wallflower-.livejournal.com
*blinks* Someone tortured you? Wha...


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Scott Summers

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