Control Issues & Mutant Therapy
May. 31st, 2003 01:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xp_cyclopsAs I'm sure you've noticed, I don't do a lot of posting in this journal. I've never been one to share my private thoughts with many others. But...of course, isn't there always a "but" when people say things like that?
But...
I talked with Ororo tonight. I told her something I've kept inside me, kept private, for weeks now. And while it is private,it needs I need to get it out so others can see. So they can know.
You all should know by now, if not first-hand, then by hearing from others, that I harp a lot on control. On why it's important to have control over your powers and use them in the ways you intend, not in the ways that they wish to go. Some of you may think it's because I've had my control taken away from me, replaced by my visor. And they may not be wrong. But I still strive for what control I can, visor or no.
In the weeks before the events surrounding Stryker's attack on the school and Alkali Lake, Jean had started to lose control of her powers. She had started having headaches, and nightmares after which we'd wake up to find lamps broken and items at our bedside shattered. Her telekinesis power level had grown exponentially. And she was having trouble controlling it.
I encouraged her to talk to the Professor about it. She shrugged it off, thinking it wasn't that bad, that it was something she'd be able to control. It wasn't consistent, after all. While we were at the museum, I noticed that it looked like she had a headache, and it was at the same time a number of the monitors started going crazy. I promised myself that I would talk to the Professor that night. She needed to talk to someone about it, for her sake. For our sake.
Well, I waited one day too late, one hour too late, one minute too late. I couldn't burden the Professor with this while we were going to see Magneto; he had enough on his mind. I would wait until we were on our way back to the school. I didn't leave Magneto's prison under my own power.
I saw myself blasting away at Jean not long after that, forcing her to use her powers to save herself, and a formidable job of it she did. And then we were in the Blackbird, and trying to leave before the dam (no doubt weakened from our battle) collapsed. Those of you who were there should recall this - Rogue's landing was jarring, but not enough to cause the mechanical malfunctions we were having. The engines finally cut right out, and we were going to be crushed by a wall of water.
Jean believed, I think, that her uncontrollable power was the cause of the jet's failure. It's the only explanation that makes sense for why she left it and attempted to stave off the wall of water long enough to get us up in the air. And for our engines to come back online as they did, when she was gone.
Control.
I have been full of "if only's" since that day. I don't expect something as drastic to happen to any of you. At least, I hope not. Could this have been prevented if Jean had spoken to the Professor? We'll never know for certain, but it's possible.
And I'll take that possible for you, if it's there.
So I am asking you all, and not just the students, because it can happen to anyone, to speak up. If you are having any problems with your powers, any at all, talk to someone who might be able to help you. This may sound like I'm getting all touchy-feely, and maybe I am. But the life you save may not be your own.
But...
I talked with Ororo tonight. I told her something I've kept inside me, kept private, for weeks now. And while it is private,
You all should know by now, if not first-hand, then by hearing from others, that I harp a lot on control. On why it's important to have control over your powers and use them in the ways you intend, not in the ways that they wish to go. Some of you may think it's because I've had my control taken away from me, replaced by my visor. And they may not be wrong. But I still strive for what control I can, visor or no.
In the weeks before the events surrounding Stryker's attack on the school and Alkali Lake, Jean had started to lose control of her powers. She had started having headaches, and nightmares after which we'd wake up to find lamps broken and items at our bedside shattered. Her telekinesis power level had grown exponentially. And she was having trouble controlling it.
I encouraged her to talk to the Professor about it. She shrugged it off, thinking it wasn't that bad, that it was something she'd be able to control. It wasn't consistent, after all. While we were at the museum, I noticed that it looked like she had a headache, and it was at the same time a number of the monitors started going crazy. I promised myself that I would talk to the Professor that night. She needed to talk to someone about it, for her sake. For our sake.
Well, I waited one day too late, one hour too late, one minute too late. I couldn't burden the Professor with this while we were going to see Magneto; he had enough on his mind. I would wait until we were on our way back to the school. I didn't leave Magneto's prison under my own power.
I saw myself blasting away at Jean not long after that, forcing her to use her powers to save herself, and a formidable job of it she did. And then we were in the Blackbird, and trying to leave before the dam (no doubt weakened from our battle) collapsed. Those of you who were there should recall this - Rogue's landing was jarring, but not enough to cause the mechanical malfunctions we were having. The engines finally cut right out, and we were going to be crushed by a wall of water.
Jean believed, I think, that her uncontrollable power was the cause of the jet's failure. It's the only explanation that makes sense for why she left it and attempted to stave off the wall of water long enough to get us up in the air. And for our engines to come back online as they did, when she was gone.
Control.
I have been full of "if only's" since that day. I don't expect something as drastic to happen to any of you. At least, I hope not. Could this have been prevented if Jean had spoken to the Professor? We'll never know for certain, but it's possible.
And I'll take that possible for you, if it's there.
So I am asking you all, and not just the students, because it can happen to anyone, to speak up. If you are having any problems with your powers, any at all, talk to someone who might be able to help you. This may sound like I'm getting all touchy-feely, and maybe I am. But the life you save may not be your own.
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no subject
Date: 2003-05-31 12:53 am (UTC)Oh,l and I atleast did, but thanks for showing you care. Sometimes it can be hard for us to recognize that.
no subject
Date: 2003-05-31 06:58 pm (UTC)