Laws of unintended consequences...
Sep. 15th, 2004 08:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xp_cyclopsLet's see if I make more, or less sense sober and broody than I do drunk. Should be a toss-up, I think.
I'm not going to do the apology-reiteration thing, folks, don't worry. I've had a good twenty-four hours of enthusiastic self-flagellation, and while I can't honestly say that I have it out of my system... well, I can think, at least. (Mostly due to Alison and Paul, thank you both for enduring me today. Can't have been fun.)
I suppose, what I wanted to say, is that it means a lot to me, both the support and the being called to account. Okay, sounds really weird, I know, but bear with me. The support meant a lot because... well, it was support, even if I was determined not to take it, and even if supporting me caused tensions between some of you. Which I know damned well it did, and that's one of the parts of this that's still really bothering me.
Being called on the carpet meant a lot too, though. Twenty-four hours and a lot of hard thinking later, I can't help but think that maybe the... implicit expectations are good things. That they're not just standards I need to live up to as part of the job I do here, but standards that I maybe helped establish for myself, too. And that's heartening, in a weird way. You probably don't really want to know the details of the train of thought that led to that, but I felt like I needed to say it.
Okay, it's official. I made more sense drunk.
I'm not going to do the apology-reiteration thing, folks, don't worry. I've had a good twenty-four hours of enthusiastic self-flagellation, and while I can't honestly say that I have it out of my system... well, I can think, at least. (Mostly due to Alison and Paul, thank you both for enduring me today. Can't have been fun.)
I suppose, what I wanted to say, is that it means a lot to me, both the support and the being called to account. Okay, sounds really weird, I know, but bear with me. The support meant a lot because... well, it was support, even if I was determined not to take it, and even if supporting me caused tensions between some of you. Which I know damned well it did, and that's one of the parts of this that's still really bothering me.
Being called on the carpet meant a lot too, though. Twenty-four hours and a lot of hard thinking later, I can't help but think that maybe the... implicit expectations are good things. That they're not just standards I need to live up to as part of the job I do here, but standards that I maybe helped establish for myself, too. And that's heartening, in a weird way. You probably don't really want to know the details of the train of thought that led to that, but I felt like I needed to say it.
Okay, it's official. I made more sense drunk.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-09-15 06:39 pm (UTC)You make the most sense when you're being honest with yourself.
no subject
Date: 2004-09-16 11:36 am (UTC)