Just to make a few things clear...

Yes, the eyepatch is quite dashing, isn't it?

No, I will not be doing a Jack Sparrow impression now or at any point in the future.

If you hear me talking about rum, it's because the latest package from my grandmother arrived and includes what we'll call 'cookies for grownups'. (For the grownups reading this, one could get tipsy from being in the general vicinity of these rumballs. I think a warning label was called for.)